Why It’s Okay

I’m going to dive right in and assume that most people struggle with the emotion that is Anger. It will arrive in various shapes and forms, and though it can be expected under obvious circumstances and experiences, it also takes us by surprise. The sensation feels like heat, warmth, and acute inflammation in the esophagus from my personal experiences. There is a knot that will slightly twist in the stomach area, and the jaw locks solid.

Anger resides in every one of us as a sudden attack that sometimes leaves as quickly as it arrives, or it stays rooted as a chronic, dull ache that is on a constant simmer for days, weeks, months, or even years. The latter is my “go-to” type of anger. There is also the violent, destructive, and explosive anger which can end up with major consequences. I’m not a behavioural expert by any means, but I have either experienced these different forms of anger firsthand or by close association with others, and I feel confident in stating that each version of Anger is serious if not processed in a healthy way.

All of these versions of Anger are lived-in by people, and therefore I’m acknowledging that it is okay to be angry and to equally believe that you are a good person. There should be no guilt! I’m diving into this topic because I’ve personally felt guilty for being angry with other people, on various levels, and never allowed myself the moment(s) of seriously focusing on an acknowledgment of that specific anger in that present moment. I only ever felt shame, guilt, or embarrassment and this led to my silence. My lack of acceptance for my anger led to my suffocation, and I wonder if it IS or HAS BEEN this way for others as well.

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It’s Real

Yes, Anger is a real emotion that should not be tabooed. This is because Anger is a part of the human journey and it can be experienced daily. This emotion can’t simply be ignored, and if done so, a person can spiral quickly into different holes of depression, self-loathing, and addictive states. I’ll make clear that I don’t believe individuals should wallow within this state in order to feel something “correctly”. Nor do I advocate for a person to express their anger in a violent way towards themselves or others. I’m simply noting that we fear anger and shy away from processing fully as a society.

A Slow Progression

I have been actively working on my personal growth with fully experiencing and processing my own anger and the struggles within it. Since early 2016 I started to notice subtle shifts in my mood and outlook regarding day-to-day activities. I would wake up in a foul mood and interact with strangers in a constant state of bitter sarcasm. I felt more heartbroken as each month passed and I felt no closer to making my goals and dreams into a reality. My constant companions, Ego and Pride, were definitely the co-pilots of this wild launch into young adulthood. With this picture painted, imagine a young, hardworking, determined and naive young woman wanting to have the same path and experiences in the “Real World” just like the ones she had in school where I noticed results and excelled in an institutional setting. In the world outside of that bubble, I simply felt mediocre. I deflated with sadness and self-deprecation and Anger eventually arose. I simply didn’t know how to process this and became a quiet, ticking time-bomb. My daily thoughts became darker and angrier, my compassion for others and patience for their actions (or lack thereof) wore thin, and I blamed everyone else for why I was feeling this anger and betrayal. I felt uncomfortable with bringing up the topic of my anger to everyone: my partner, my parents and sister and my close friends from various parts in my life. I felt so unheard, but the problem was that I wasn’t even speaking!

Another point in my life where I had to process a different kind of anger, one that was directed more outwards than towards myself, is one that still lingers (though often not as noticeable). To summarize simply: I was cheated on, more emotionally than physically, by my partner in a time in our relationship where we were very vulnerable. Though this person told me about these moments and was honest about their actions, I still felt incredible pain and loss. I felt as though the trust given was simply tossed away. This pain then manifested into physical pathology leaving me feeling ill in body, mind and spirit because I was never able to feel confident enough within this emotion to speak and voice my pain and traumas. I slowly sought out methods of coping ranging from sarcasm, isolation, lashing out, sexual expression, drinking, not eating, sleeping for hours at a time, and any combination in between. I would stifle my anger from everyone I know, and my mom was one of the first people to reach out and offer her time to listen to what was going on. In those conversations with her, she was the first person who told me that it was okay to be angry. It is okay to live in it and experience it in its entirety.

My Realization and Relief

Once the idea of accepting my anger, wholeheartedly, was explained to me I found there was a great sense of relief. I then allowed myself the space to reflect on what was still being ignored. I began to have deeper and healing conversations with my partner, and I demanded them to listen to how their actions hurt me on such a deep level. This bravery in re-opening this wound set me on the track to healing. I was now able to express my anger is many creative ways. I felt heard when I sang my anger. I screamed my anger. I stomped my anger. I began to understand myself through this emotion, and it led me to a path of healing and compassion for myself, which provided me with the strength to have more compassion and healing thoughts towards those who have hurt me. Ultimately, I now allow my anger to be seen and heard. I’m happier.

Please remember you may be the voice that needs to be heard in that moment, as well. Anger will populate in many ways and in many scenarios, so please take the time to guard and protect yourself from others that don’t mean you well. Also, take the time after something happens to sit and process all that you are going through. These serious reflections and honesty with yourself (and with others in your life) is a true path to a healthier, happier self.

Be well,

Mariah

Do you eat to live or live to eat? Asking yourself this question can waive some warning signs on how you view food.

When you eat to live, you are more focused on fueling your body in order to function daily. When you live to eat, you connect your emotions with food and rely on food for sustainability.

What’s so bad with emotional connection with food? I am not saying that emotions towards food are all bad, but we tend to fall into relying on food to be our end all, be all instead of it being a vital source of life with some pleasure.

People fall into the habit of disordered eating, stress eating, emotional eating, and other negative effects that food can trigger emotionally and may even become very serious for your health. People also label food as “bad” and create negative energy when consuming the food. 

Take a good hard look at how you eat and WHY you eat. Are you eating because you are hungry or are you eating because you are bored? Did your boss give you a stressful task so the bag of chips you are eating helping to solve the task? We are all human and tend to hide behind quick fixes instead of solving the problem and a lot of those quick fixes are food. Start to track your daily intake and see how you are truly eating and why you are eating. From there, you should be able to see if you are eating to live or living to eat. 

There is no such thing as bad food, only better choices. People claim that they “eat clean” or  “cut out carbs because they make you fat,” but have no idea what the hell they are talking about.

Food is FOOD and nothing makes it “clean” unless you are talking about washing it. 

​Sorry to tell you, but even your organic veggies are still processed at the store. Carbohydrates are a macronutrient for your body along with protein and fat. WHY ARE YOU CUTTING OUT A MACRONUTRIENT!?!?!?! Instead of following the 100+ fad diets that promise you crazy, drastic, physical change, why don’t you just become aware of what you are eating and make the better choices for yourself. Better choices could look like eating oatmeal in the morning instead of Frosted Flakes or using balsamic vinegar on your salad instead of Hidden Valley Ranch. Small little swaps in your eating habits will add up.

This does not mean you can never eat a cookie again, but you can eat them in moderation with your health goals in mind to ensure you are properly fueling your body to survive.

As a NPC Bikini Competitor, I can assure you that I know the mental and emotional challenges of changing up my food and denying food at certain social events with friends and family. It is hard, but in order for me to reach my physique goals I had to make those choices to better MYSELF! I still went to birthday parties and family BBQs, but I just made the decision for MYSELF to eat better while still enjoying the time with my loved ones. 

You control you and can only make decisions for yourself. Food is not the enemy; food is a vital source for survival. Making better choices for yourself allows you control on how you feel and look and that’s true self-empowerment!

Great! So you’re ready to take that next step towards becoming a healthier individual.

Where do you begin?

First, I want you to focus on the overall picture and create a realistic, obtainable goal.

If you create a goal that states, “I want to lose 30 pounds in a month.” I admire your enthusiasm, but I would have to say that this goal is not realistic, nor will you find a sustainable way to do that. Basically, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and failure.

On the other hand, if you visualize and write down your goal as, “I want to lose a sustainable amount of weight in order to be more physically healthy,” this takes your focus off of the number on a scale, and directs it to how you want to “feel” overall. The scale is a good reference, but focusing only on the scale will make you feel trapped and sometimes discouraged when you are actually making progress.

In my experience, I found that taking progress photos is one of the best ways to track where you are and they are CHEAP!

You may not see the number on the scale moving drastically, but when you compare your beginning pic to a pic 5 months down the road, I promise you will see a difference. Be patient.

Once you have your big overall goal, now it is time to start breaking down that goal to even smaller, manageable actions. These actions can be as simple as walking 10,000 steps a day or changing your Starbucks drink from a Venti Frappuccino to a Grande Iced Americano.

Small changes add up overtime creating a habit. I always tell people that small changes are better than cutting everything out cold-turkey and to make sure that you are cutting out the RIGHT things! I always hear people talk about cutting out all carbs and sugars including fruit to drop the weight. Ask yourself why? There is no logic in cutting out an energy source for your body unless a medical professional or dietician has prescribed you to do so. Just because your friend Becky did and lost 10 pounds in a month, does not mean Becky is now “healthy” and is the weight loss goddess! I assure you she will not stick with it long because it is NOT sustainable. 

Lastly, keep a journal of your progress and be very descriptive. How do you feel waking up? Did you stick with your goals that day? What did you struggle with and how can you overcome the struggle? Not only will you keep yourself accountable for your progress, but also you will find a change in your habits and outlook towards your goals. 

Health. It’s a tricky little concept that is overlooked while the term is overused in today’s society.  Many people associate “health” with their medical history or physical appearance. What is the first thing that pops into your head when you hear the word “health”? For me, it is the interconnection of the mind, body, and soul in a sustainable and well-kept manner. If one part of your interconnection is off, then you become out of balance.

Mind

First, let’s look at the mind. What are your thoughts throughout the day? Are you actively reading and learning daily to keep your mental capacity up to speed? What about your emotional state of mind: happy, sad, mad, or blank? Your thoughts and emotional state of mind can make or break who you are; and if you are not putting your mental health in check, how can you become a healthy individual. You may have 6-pack abs, but if you’re not truly experiencing joy or mental clarity, your abs mean absolutely nothing. I want you to focus on your thoughts and feelings and write them down!  Did you feel depressed today? Why? Write it down and understand where this feeling came from. Thinking about a trip to Mexico or Thailand? Write it down! What sparked your interest in this trip and what are your steps to make it happen? Once you become aware of your mental and emotional state of mind, your health will be on the right track.

Body

This is one of the most overused terms for “health”. Society relies on physical appearance to define the overall health of an individual. While we can’t carry around our medical history file to show people how healthy we are, how we present ourselves and our bodies can! What I mean by this is that if you are taking care of your physical body, it will be reflected in the body’s appearance. When is the last time you thanked your body for being able to move the way it does? When was the last time you looked in the mirror and told your body how amazing it is? When was the last time you fed your body nutrient dense food to keep it going? These small little things add up quickly! Look at a puppy; it needs food, nurturing, and exercise to grow into a healthy, happy dog...THE SAME THING GOES FOR YOU! When you start moving your body through physical activity, loving the skin you’re in, and feeding your body the nutrition it needs, you will be on track towards becoming a healthier you.

Soul

We have all heard someone say, “I’m am doing some soul searching to figure out who I am.” If you are here at the Spiritual Closet, it is safe to say you are doing a little soul searching yourself. What I found is that my soul is nurtured through meditation which helps connect me with my higher purpose. What makes your soul feel whole? For many people, discovering their life purpose is one of the most difficult things to do. Something in their life feels “off” and they become lost at times trying to figure out why life is not turning out as expected. The trick here is to EMBRACE those feelings and then dig deeper as to why you’re feeling them. This is where you can assess and choose how can you make the change on your life path to get to  where you want to be. Sit down, relax and meditate on what feeds your soul. During meditation you want to experience peace, balance and joy. Meditation is quite liberating in that you can step away from the chaotic energy around you to immerse yourself in pure, calm, high-vibrational energy. Integrating the soul with the mind and body allows you to experience life in a holistic way. You will begin to feel more energized, optimistic and peaceful. To sustain your holistic health, I recommend daily meditation. It’s the best prescription for balanced health.

Most of us are working on at least one part of the health puzzle, and continuing to do so will only propel us towards our better, healthier selves. There is always room for improvement, but be kind to yourself. Self-criticism is self-cruelty. Never settle for less than you deserve, and you absolutely deserve peace, joy, and balance when it comes to your overall health.